1.  Knowing Sylvia Plath’s life makes the book difficult to read as a story rather than an autobiography.  With that said, any possibility of hope in the end is undercut.

2.  The book has interesting motifs, but they are forgotten at random times.

3.  The book was intended as a pot boiler, yet is treated as heavy duty literature.

4.  Does Esther care that Joan died?

5.  Is anything solved in any societal way?  Do “good” books have to address issues and work to answer a question?

6.  Each section, seems to be a stanza in a poem.  She wrote a book of poetry-prose that seems overly easy to understand.

I have more criticisms, and this book has been truly difficult as a “teaching” tool.  Yet when she takes a breath and hears the “old brag” of her heart beat “I am, I am, I am,” I know this is the brag of a century of women from Gilman to Woolf.

Today, the students met in small groups with discussion leaders.  Most often the topics were shallow.  Then  the conversation would become intense and sometimes personal. This could only happen in a smaller atmosphere, and that defines the book.  It is personal and real and therefore difficult to teach in the public space of my class.

Whine, whine, whine.  I’m beginning to sound a little like Esther in her first hospital.

Well, I “feel” Esther.  When she describes sitting in a chair unable to pack or move because she has too many clothes and she can’t conceive bringing the urban life back to the dreadful suburban existence, I understand.  Her friend whirls in and sweeps the mess under the bed for a night on the town.  It is the night Esther almost lets herself be raped through indecision and the need to cede control.  Ultimately, in a crazy, gorgeous move Esther throws the clothes into the dark New York night.  I wanted to be her.

She tries suicide time after time, but it really is too hard for the depressive state she is in.  Finally, she crawls into a wood stove, pulls the rotting wood around her, and takes 50 sleeping pills.  Then she wakes up in the hospital.

This entry is not some self-confessional suicide notice.  I never went that route, but only because when depressed it seemed too much effort and my mother might never recover.  This is an acknowledgement of how close the book connects and in a way it keeps sucking me back in.

So I find it a difficult piece to teach. The brilliancy lies in its power and its accuracy. But many could say this is true of so much literature.  Today I am loving the womb imagery.  It took me until almost the end of the novel to realize that the constant references to water and tears and eddies relates to the womb as well as other motifs.  So the hope is that as Esther is reborn, so will I be.

My seniors are bored, difficult, and ready to graduate; therefore, this piece is not it for them. One led discussion today and she was brilliant with some really fun insights.  For the most part though, those who don’t want to be there are taking the oxygen and life of those who do have an interest.  Two more weeks.  They are on the brink of their rebirth. It is an exciting time.  And now I remember that I love seniors.

Where is this going?  I don’t know. Except if I am Esther, I hope she escapes the B(h)ell.

Now, I feel the need to be back though with even less purpose than before.  The same could be said of all my writing.  Let me co-opt an excuse e-mail sent to friends and family:

Over the past few weeks I’ve received many a missive, and if you sent one, you probably did not receive a reply.  As Mom asked in her recent e-mail, has something happened or am I just lazy.

Well, I’ve got to grade . . . or watch TV.

My goal is to be back.  Watch for new posts that maybe are a  little more analytical, a little less woe is me.

“that teachers choose to represent themselves. I was captured by the potential of Simon’s ‘image-text’ 1995 – and wonder to what degree Ts can control their image-text in an online environment. If self-revelation is a good thing (Richards 2006) then online environments offer Ss a more varied image-text of the T, which could be a good or bad thing. For eg. Ss can read Karen’s Blog (very much for Ss) and get to know me. My choices of what I include here are often quite deliberate in terms of how I want students to see me.” Actually, I feel the entire post seems to be reflecting me.

The following are a few of my questions and concerns about my own teacher image and its meaning to the larger concern of student learning.

What is teacher identity?

*What is identity?

*What other identities do we have in our lives?

*In what ways do those identities conflict with each other?

*Why is study of identity important?

*Why is study of teacher identity apparently more important than other identities?

* They probably study identity in business and with leaders, is it as intensive as with teacher?

*Is it okay to shift identity or image-text as PhD guy says? Or does it do something damaging to the psyche or even to the solidness of who we are?

*I have a friend who believes that black and white is the best morality. I have always been a gray line person. Does shifting identity increase this?

* If identity shift is necessary, then what is the most efficient method? Cohesive?

* I become interested in different ideas, music, sports based on my students to a certain extent. Does this mis-represent me? Does this honor my students?

* What new research is out there about teacher identity? What does it mean for me?

* How often do people set up a deliberate identity?

* How does my identity help students?

* What can I do to change that identity?

* How do students perceive me?

* Do stories hurt?

* Modeling for students is often declared a good thing. Does it matter whether it is teacher model or student model?

* How can I make sure my blog has my own voice and interests if I am worrying about the public face of students, other teachers and world?

* Can one achieve reactions from others when the blog is not just about blogging or are blogging posts the only way to capture other bloggers?

* In order to keep interest in a blog, one must often update the blog. Does one need to often update an identity? What happens if it just happens?

* Many, many posts happen within a blog. Many, many days of teaching happen. How long does reality of image begin to happen? (I know that was a bit of an oxymoron.)

* Often writers and beginning writers copy a tone from others. Is this really that person’s on-line identity?

* How much do comments from others create the image as well? If we allow too many “Way to Go!” comments, can that shift the intellectualness or vividness of the image?

* If a person does not engage in others’ image making (comments) then is that person selfish?

* The blog roll itself is part of the blog image and the public image, how many blogs are too many? What kinds of connections beyond the obvious should not be made?

* How do self-perceptions help create how others see us?

— Technology – I feel pretty perpetually behind, yet when one considers my many recently acquired and actually used skills, I am far in the front of others I know.

* How much is it the yes or the no that defines how others perceive us? What becomes a yes or a no within a blog?

* Teachers teach voice in writing. Can identity be taught? (Yes, the answer seems to simple so why ask the question.)

* Should identity be taught?

How will I handle it if someone from the wide, wide world reads my writing?

How will I handle the time?

What will my blog be about?

Can my blog be about “me” or does it have to be about teaching?

I had a celebration and a “freak out” last week. Real people out in the world read my post. I walked on a high for a day, then realized that I needed to respond, had no idea what to write, and then had more writer’s block than a cow lick on a Wyoming ranch.

Some intriguing ideas appeared as I had a trackback from the PhD Learning Curve.  This blogger is working on a thesis concerning teacher identity and its construction.  I began to wonder about my own identity and the person I give to the world.

Then today another person who had commented on my blog let his readers know he was asked to resign because of opinions he posted on his blog.  He asks us all to remember that blogs are public identities.

I considered the issues before starting.  I consider the issue now.

And now I go back to giving students a check up grade for four weeks of writing.

Photo Credit:  eri.za on flikr

The image makes me think about the towering work and art needed to construct (identity).

Bloglines — Beta Style.  Wow is this little tool going to make my life potentially easier.  Mr. Media Guru actually mentioned Blog Lines in December 2006.  He demonstrated the joys in February 2007.  He made me sign up in September 2007.  It is possible I am a hard sell.

However, for those of you who are ready, for those of you that are becoming snowed under trying to access individual student blogs, friend’s blogs, and the daily recipe blog, Beta BLOGLINES is the answer.

Thank you, Clay.  I frustrate you trailing snail gloop into the techno world.  But today’s light came on.

Bloglines — the place to keep track of  student’s new blogs.  If I check my bloglines daily, like e-mail, I can see what is new, rather than accessing each blog individually.  Then in Beta, a person can even comment on the blog.

Delicious — the next frontier.  Again, I have heard Clay nag, nag, nag about social bookmarking.  Intellectually, I could nod my head, but suddenly, I might get the use in the wider world.

Technorati — My students are supposed to be signed up to track back and see if someone has linked to them.  Again, intellectually, I understand.  In my little light bulb, doIhavetimeforthis? world, it doesn’t make sense yet.

So . . . Bloglines?  Yes!  Everyone in the world needs to sign up or at least others that need to manage this larger 2.0-ness.  The others?  Maybe so.

One year ago, I had never heard of any of the above.  One year ago, I didn’t know about Flickr(don’t understand), Facebook (don’t use), Creative Commons (seems amazing and I need to explore), or any of the others I have missed.

Could I write a post cursing when Mr.-Loves-Computers-and-Can’t-Understand -When-I-Don’t pushes and pushes and keeps introducing more and more and more new?  Yes.

But I thank him and all others out there for the constant shared excitement in the face of entrenched teaching habits, thinking, and frustrations.

To soothe my mind I take out a book of poems. Rumors are that poetry is a dying art (other than music). Reports state that no one reads it. Maybe so. Of course, I have the same students whose eyes widen and glaze when confronted with a poem as anyone else and I have teacher friends who avoid teaching it.

None of this matters today, however. Today, I need escape. Today, I find Langsgton Hughes . . . a writer whose bitterness, imagery, underlying hope for mankind has spoke to me for years. Today is no different.

I, too, sing America.

I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

Tomorrow,
I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen,"
Then.

Besides,
They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--

I, too, am America.

I could analyze the effectiveness of the one word lines, the dialect of Hughes with Whitman, the effectiveness of repetition. This don’t call to me when I open a book and need my own world.

How brilliant was Hughes! He didn’t copy Whitman’s format. He predicted a future that seems obvious now. He so clearly explained a pain, helped me feel societal shame, and yet reminded me of America’s beauty: in him, me, reflexively to the Whitmans and that WE TOO SING, and can sing the world.

. . . . . . . . . . . So how is that for a little inspiration?

An example, today is my day for salad. My collegue across the hall makes salad on Tuesdays and I have Thursdays.  This is perfect.  At least two days a week, I eat salad.  Plus, and I love this part, she and I sometimes get creative, find new recipes, and discover the offerings of vegetable Korea.

I’ve learned from her salads.  Did you know that beets don’t just come from a can? You need the top and bottom to make them turn purple when boiled, and this information seems magical.

I have learned to make a cranberry and walnut salad that is fantastic.  But tomorrow’s creation is new.  I’ll see how it turns out.  It calls for water chesnuts (or water chestnuts however it is spelled).  I know what water chesnuts look like in the can: it has a picture of sliced white things layered on each other.  Just a reminder: I’m in Korea. I am absolutely positive they have this item.  I am absolutely positive I cannot communicate my needed item to the grocery store staff.

So I look and look. I find chestnuts in syrup.  Is this the same? I decide no.

But now I realize that I don’t know what chesnuts are.  Are they cooked chestnuts? Are they something else?  So yes, the internet is my friend and I looked it up.  If you want to know, they actually grow on small, bush like trees.  They are different.  Ninety percent of the water chestnuts found in the stores are imported from China.

Now I need a substitution because frankly this angst was too much and I’ve given up on water chestnuts.  This is where I can cook fine, but not good.  What is the purpose of the water chestnuts in the recipe?  Probably the crunch.  Would broccoli work just as well?  Broccoli replaces mushrooms fine.  Maybe the taste, but I can’t remember the taste, besides does this substitution matter when I’ve already discarded brown sugar and coconut from the recipe?  And the macadamia nuts?  Will it be okay if I use walnuts instead?  And the iceberg lettuce . . . will romaine work fine?

The salad should be interesting and hopefully edible.

News just seemed to happen.

At first being here, I relished the release from the constancy of the information world. No longer in shops do I even hear advertisements because I don’t understand anyway. Now if I see an advertisement in the subway, usually I notice it for its interesting visual composition, not for message. I’m sure there are radio stations here in English, but I haven’t found them. Finally, tv news was never my medium.

Except . . . I had the gift of BBC. Twenty-four hours of BBC with minimum commercials. BBC news with world news, reports with a bias that I don’t entirely recognize, news that had a fresh take on the elections in the U.S., news that led with the East Timor shooting rather than sports or weather. Just news that was more global, probably more liberal, but also quicker and more serious.

A tragedy has struck my life. Our cable carrier has decided to let BBC go. I jokingly told one of our Business Office staff that I might have to reconsider my contract. Before I could explain the joke, Sweet Business Office David said he would call the company today and see what they could do. Okay. I’m selfish. I’me going to let him.

You may or may not have heard that Korea has suffered a tragedy in the last day. Namedaemun, the South Gate to the city of Seoul, 640 years old has burned (to the ground?) and arson is suspected.

It was in the city center and kind of a defining landmark. Truly it was impressive. Almost everyone seems to be going through the stages of grief concerning this: at first denial, anger, and so on.

The students had to tell the staff. The English press is usually half a day to a day behind as one would expect.

I watched CNN briefly tonight. The had a 5 minute segment on the yearly killing of the dolphins in the village in Japan. I could tell I have been living here in Asia just long enough because I found the piece sentimentalized toward the dolphins, very propagandistic and with no attempt at understanding the complexities of the issue. Once upon a time I was all about Saving the Whales.

Anyway, BBC on the net has a part of the main page called “The Day in Pictures,” with photos from around the globe showing the events. Absolutely gorgeous, one that is horrific, and they truly did give a snapshot of the world that the headlines neglect.

So what’s happening in your part of the world that’s caught your attention?

Saturday, I accompanied 18 fantastic students and their chosen chaperone to help clean up at the oil spill on the coast of Korea. We were told before going to bring gloves, rubber gloves, rubber boots, and a raincoat. Lucky for most of us when we arrived they provided the materials.

The area is beautiful with a soft sounding surf, short pine trees, and an interesting rocky coast. We marched to a rocky area, the group was told (in Korean so part of my information is second hand) that we were to wash the rocks of the oil.

We arrive with the gorgeous coast to ourselves. The smell isn’t entirely unpleasant as apparently the oil either isn’t bad or much has already been cleaned. We can see that some obvious work has already been done here as the sand and rocks are greatly disturbed.

A man with a long, blue hose starts to gush water from the top of the beach, creating rivulets of water heading to the beach’s edge. We haunch and start running our rags over the rocks (kind of like washing clothes). But do I just have dirt on my rag or is it oil? I don’t know. Then we hear a rumor that one of the officials said to start rubbing oil off the only the dry rocks, so we move to the dry and pick up one rock at a time. One student comments that the task is impossible to wash every rock on a beach. Another rumor was to rub the dirt (again the washing clothes on a washboard motion) and then sift down and keep doing so.

More people arrive. The beach is no longer ours. A back hoe starts digging and the implication is that they are bringing lower strata up so we can washboard the oil from there. Then about 700 people are present and some stand at the end of the beach and capture the oil in the water with cheesecloth. I notice a line of cheesecloth is run along the entire enterprise. We hear a rumor that the rushes of water are to take the oil to the water at the beach because the oil is actually easier to capture in water. About nine of our students start sifting sand and rock into one of the streams a little like gold prospecting.

Everything seems to be rumor.

And I don’t get it.

Are we really helping? The implication seems to be yes or otherwise oil spills would not call for so much volunteer help throughout the world.

What would happen if we just leave it? No one seemed to know the answer to this. The answer from every student and the science teacher accompanying us and the two people I talked to on the telephone afterwards was that “it would be bad,” that they supposed it would spread to unintended areas. None of us really knew.

At what point do the environmental damages of clean-up begin to outweigh the help. The pile of rags from the clean-up was as large as my bedroom and living room combined. What are they going to do with that pile? As one student said, isn’t that its own pollution? What about the back hoe, the 1000 tramping bodies in this area, the tent city created?

And my personal question . . .was I really helping? What actions was I supposed to be taking? Was I supposed to be washing rocks one by one, sending water down to the ocean?

Of course, I can’t just let the questions rest. How lazy. John Whitfield wrote an article titled “How to Clean a Beach” for Nature Magazine and put the issue in an easy to understand manner.

Are we really helping. Well yes. Except when volunteers aren’t. Apparently, one oil spill the volunteers just pushed the oil deeper and deeper into the strata. Wow was I pleased to discover this.

What would happen if we just left it? One oil spill was just left due to the remoteness of the location. The description is that 40 years later it looks like a tarred driveway; however, it apparently isn’t still affecting nearby regions.

Environmental Damage of Clean-up? The article didn’t really comment on my specific concerns, but it did say that some areas are much better off with less clean up and some with more, but the judgment needs to be careful. They’ve invented a bacteria-eating method that could help over a few months, but it doesn’t get the deeper oil. A back hoe does, however.

My last question WAS answered. Apparently, it is easier to clean oil from the water than the beaches. There is technology that can help, so the goal is to IMMEDIATELY report the issue before the oil begins to wash up in new locations. Nice to know.

The article is an interesting, quick read and highly recommended for any who need more than Save the Beach rhetoric.